Saturday, January 10, 2009

Football Triumphs and Failures; Season Review 2008/2009

Quixotic Dreams
I want carpet-like football pitches, fuller stadiums without club price beers, security and police to be logistically organised, Marquee players that can play, free to air coverage; we understand you have to pay extra for a quality sport like football but the dude that sold Football to Foxtel now runs Rugby Union. I want to see coaches taking a punt by playing and showing faith in younger players. In the lead up to the world cup I want to see returning Socceroos not say I came back because I wanted to give something to the game back in Australia.

Rudd Government/Frank Lowy/Kate Ellis
Thanks for the cash Mr Rudd 77 million over 4 years; thanks for the A-League and Socceroos Mr Lowy, and help us score the World Cup in 2018 with your striking good looks charm and intelligence Kate. If you weren’t married I would be attempting to court you right now.

Ground Staff
All ground staff that work during the A-League season and all those associated with decisions involving laying turf and applying markings. Just because you like Rugby or AFL better does not mean you can prepare a steaming pile of shit and call it fit for playing football on.

The A-League advertising department
Is anyone home? Where are you guys? Didn’t you spend 3 years studying marketing, engineering a coke habit and growing a pony tail? Perhaps you should take a cue from the guy that sells Doctor Pepper and Cranberry Juice. They have been able to sell an inferior product for years.

Graham Arnold
Once I realised George Bush and John Howard were no longer going to be in public office I feared I would not be able to direct my fear and loathing on anyone. But then Graham Arnold arrived like a shining star. Badly shaven, more gold rings and chains than Mr T. During the Olympics he instructed midfield and defence to hit 60 metre passes for three games. He is famous for the early release, early exits and a lack of shirt buttons.

Real Estate and Finance Sectors
Nice work for sending the world on the brink of financial collapse. Your ability to use the word crisis and speculate is nothing short of genius. I wonder if you will actually be able to get your own lunches or type up your own letters now that all your admin staff has lost their jobs. What does this have to do with Football? Not sure but I felt I needed to vent more after talking about Graham Arnold.

4 -2- 3- 1
What on earth is going on with formations? Back in the day when everything was in black and white and nostalgia was only a feeling rather than a commodity if the opposition scored a goal, you would run up the other end and score one yourself. Both teams did this until the 90 mins was up. It was common for scores to end 4-4, 5-5 etc.
Now it’s all defence and midfield, wingers, strikers and flair players are in the minority; while the box to box midfielder hangs with his 4 or 5 mates and the striker is left alone to hold things up. Hold things up? I want the striker to shoot, swivel then shoot and dummy then shoot. Push up bra’s hold things up, not Strikers. I blame you 4-2-3-1.

Favourite Football One liners
John Aloisi has a chocolate leg. Chocolate leg is a Dutch saying which refers to a player’s weak leg, alluding to it being made of chocolate and being hollow.
Sydney FC has a shoe fetish it can’t stop avoiding defeat.
Robinho was nicknamed the “Triathlon” in Spain. First he runs, then he does the bicycle, then he dives.

Have a Happy New Year.


  1. Hilarious stuff, Con, loved the article and congrats on setting up the new blog.

    My personal favourite was the bit on the 4-2-3-1. If I see that formation used one more time in the Champions Leauge, I'm going to petition UEFA to make all sides play with a post-war 'W-M' formation.

    Bring back the 5-4 matches of old! This 'tactical' business is a load of nonsense...

  2. Cheers Chris.

    Give me more info on the W-M formation.

    Tactics are like life perhaps, either too much or not enough.

  3. Chocolate leg! I love it. I'll have to remember to use it...
    Also, death to the 4-2-3-1. It's so frustratingly dull yet so effective.. meaning we'll keep seeing it.
    Great blog by the way, it's been added to my register..

  4. Hey Spawning Salmon,

    Cheers for the kind words Bill. I have added your blog on my blog list.
    Please tell me you have seen this.

    Cheers Stama