Socceroos - Spanish Inquisition (Analysis)

I didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition

Yes I farken started this piece with a farken Monty Python quote. Fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and a nice red uniform (make that two farken Monty Pyton quotes) is exactly how the La Farken Furiuos Roja took care of the Socceroos in Curtiba.

Matty Ryan opened his legs and let the Spanish  Matador Juan Mata score the third goal plunging his sword into a tiring bull that was the Socceroos campaign as the Aussies ended their World Cup in Brazil with a 3-0 loss without a point and without any real fight left in them.

That's two farken Spanish stereotypes in the two opening paragraphs as well as the who what where and how. I might golf clap myself but just like the Socceroos players I'm too cansado (tired).

In the end the Socceroos two chief weapons (still ripping off Monty Pyton I know) suspended Tim Cahil and half injured Mark Bresciano nullified any chance the Socceroos had of getting anything out of the Spain game. 

After the Aussies performed well above expectations against Chile and Holland fans worst fears materialised in the last group game. Against the country that loves pronouncing every "C" with a heavy "TH" and every second word with a lisp, it was too much to expect anything but a convincing defeat from the Spanish who were just too classy and skillful.

Even though they beat the Socceroos convincingly Spain were playing in second gear and they are out of the World Cup this early because they kept on playing Heavy Metal (possession based ticki tacka football) when the rest of the world had moved on to listening to Grunge (vertical passing, counter attacking football).

At least it wasn't a Pim Verbeek thrashing that happened four years ago in South Africa against Ze Germans, or  a Holger Osieck double six nil thrashing. There was no bravery or Anzac type spirit in this performance where the team played above themselves, unfortunately  it was what everyone expected. 

The Socceroos ended this concert with their worst song, it was a dodgy final third and it's probably my worst music and movie analogy.

You can't blame me though! I hate writing these pieces after the Socceroos lose. I don't know about you but when my team of choice loses I rarely read the match report or opinion pieces . So I don't know why you are even bothering to read this. Are you some sadist who enjoys basking in a loss are you vultures picking at the carcass of defeat?

Hey calm down don't be a Debbie Downer, we got four more years to wait till the next World Cup and the planning starts now! Plus don't forget the Asian Cup in January we expect to win  it easily now after how the Socceroos performed in Brazil. Left foot volleys from Tim Cahill here we come! Right? 

Positives

• I just got one. We don't have to listen to Craig Foster coach the team from the stands anymore. I liked it when there was some drama in the game and the Socceroos were in the fight but this game the assistant coach commentary was too much.

Random Player Analysis

• Mile Jedinak is so laid back in interviews and press conferences he sometimes gets mistaken for a chair. The Jak was guilty of horrible passing and moments of suspect defending and to top it off he got in the way of a Matt McKay volley against Spain. One of the few Socceroos chances on goal in the whole match. Do you agree with Eamonn Flanngan suggestion that he's the worst Croatian we've ever had?
• Matty Ryan. Alexis Sanchez, Robin Van Persie, Arjen Robben, Fernando Torres, Juan Mata, Nutmegs, Flaps and heading the ball 30 meters out from the Goal-line. Poor Matty Ryan had a World Cup to forget and because he is young and potentially has the skills to pay the bills he hasn't been crucified by the media. Mitch Langerack wasn't afforded so much forgiveness I would have loved to have seen him in action against Spain but it wasn't to be.

Bullshit Stories

• Tim Cahill is leaving New York Red Bulls  and sacrificing  his salary of three million plus to take a pay cut for two million and get booed while playing for Sydney FC. Just like Sepp Blatter is going to take away the World Cup from Qatar and give it to Australia, it's bullshit farken!
• Mathew Leckie had a great tournament don't get me wrong but he is far from the finished product, and a few dollars short at being valued at 10 million big ones. Besides the chest shot I don't think he had a shot on target the whole World Cup. To paraphrase Paul Keaitng he is all Ice and no Berg.(that doesn't make sense but remember, you're not even supposed to be reading this)

Facts That Aren't Cool Dude

• Brazil 2014 was Australia's worst World Cup performance in the History of the Universe!
• Australia conceded the most goals in their World Cup History! 
• The Socceroos didn't get a point in Brazil 2014 making this the worst World Cup in the History of Australian football universe!
• NOT getting to the next round means we still can't call them "Our Socceroos". Unless you get out of the group stage it's still "The Socceroos". Sorry but thems the rules
• Dodgy defence was the Socceroos downfall this time, not dodgy penalty decisions or dodgy send offs or dodgy handballs. They did it to themselves.
• Now that Australia's World Cup Odyssey has come to an end I'm sad. The A-League doesn't start till October. what will I write about now? Make up transfer stories like everyone else? An unnamed source suggest that Mathew Leckie is not moving to Barcelona!
• Dead rubbers at the World Cup suck worse than friendlies.

Cheers for reading my thoughts and grievances over the last couple of months.It doesn't get any better for a football writer than writing about the World Cup. I might write a weekly piece till the end of the World Cup just to keep the writing juices flowing.

Cheers
Con Stamocostas

Socceroos - Pain For Spain (Preview) World Cup 2014

Hola Amigo's, Que pasa? 

Following the come down from Australia's greatest ever loss and arguably the Soccerooos greatest ever goal by Sir Tim Cahill Duke of the Left Foot Volley it's almost easy to forget that the Socceroos have one more game to go. Facing Spain was supposed to be the hardest game of the group and due to mitigating circumstances the Socceroos and their coaching and supporting entourage reckon they can beat the La Furia Roja! (that's the Red Fury for you monolinguals)

It's been a Tim Cahillathon following that unbelievable goal against the Clog Botherers. That World Cup moment has gone viral. And just like a New York Times Best Seller, an Oscar Winning Movie or a Hit TV Show, that goal has been translated into a multitude of languages.

Such has been the focus on that one moment, we've all forgotten ( this plebeian included. Hail Sir Tim Cahill Duke of the Left Foot Volley) that the Socceroos actually lost against Holland and have been knocked out of the World Cup. The last game against Spain could see the Red Fury come at the Socceroos as the Red Moderately Furious Fury or the Red Am I Not Bothered cause we won everything already and we haven't had a siesta in six years Fury. 

Overflowing Schooner vs Empty Pint

It's interesting to note the way the English press and Australian press have reacted to being knocked out of the World Cup. Both teams have lost their first two games and both teams have no chance to progress to the next round. Australia are seeing the Schooner as overflowing because the team played well above expectations and scored three goals including Sir Tim Cahill's goal of the tournament. England see the Pint as empty because it's the first time since 1958 they haven't qualified beyond the group stages.

Following the fallout from England's loss to Uruguay I read with some Schadenfreude David James Guardian article  and he sees the dead rubber game Old Blighty have to play against Costa Rica far differently to the way the Socceroos are approaching their dead rubber against Spain. Here are the lines I enjoyed the most:

"England’s last game, against Costa Rica, has got to be the worst game you can play in a World Cup. Ordinarily, you lose a game, and you go home. But to stay on and play for nothing? On the biggest stage in the world? That’s unheard of in English football. And it’s bound to be painful.

There is no pride left to salvage, no opportunity for points that might redeem the side.And whatever tactics Roy Hodgson employs, it will be a no-win situation for him. If the team put in a great performance with a change of personnel, everyone will question why he didn’t play them in the first place. If the team loses, the whole enterprise will be further consigned to failure on an epic scale. It is an impossible task"

Contrast that reaction to the way the Australian media and the way some former Socceroos have reacted and you find most are singing the sides praises.

Even though the players and coaches are disappointed to be heading home earlier than they would have liked Tim Cahill's goal has given the media and supporters something priceless for Australian football and it's future:

An Immortal World Cup moment. Arise Sir Tim Cahill, Duke of the Left Foot Volley

Because expectations were low it seems that moment alone by Sir Tim Cahill Duke of the Left Foot Volley is enough to satisfy the appetite of the Australian football fraternity.

GenNext

Looking ahead to the Pain in Spain game the other Socceroos players must surely have been suffering some Tim Cahill fatigue. I think it's time for the focus to shift on to Generation Next and what plans Socceroos boss Ange Postecocglou (bout time I spelt that right) has to combat the sleeping dog that is Spain.

Some Spanish journo's are saying that the reason Spain has performed so poorly in Brazil 2014 is that the team is tired and not really bothered because they've been there and done that.  Why should we bother Amigos?. We've already won the Euro's and the World Cup. Plus who wants to practice and play the triangle in the school band all the time?

For many years the Socceroos focus was on players with individual brilliance and fantasy.Australia was lucky to be blessed with great players like Ned Zelic, Paul Okon, Harry Kewell and Mark Viduka. Now with GenNext perhaps the future is the style of play, the system and structure of the team and the focus on the sum of the parts rather than the individual. 

By the time the Socceroos play at the next World Cup (they have to qualify of course)  the Rob Baan and Hann Berger Dutch revolution will have taken hold. Small sided games, no results and the fluid 4-3-3 will have had almost ten years to take hold in the Aussie football landscape. Who know what the Socceroos will look like in another four years. 

Strong personalities like Paul Okon, Ned Zelic, Harry Kewell, Tim Cahil and Lucas Neill saw a lot of territorial pissings going in  Socceroos camps and World Cup campaigns over the years. It's now a perfect opportunity for GenNext to make there mark, which is why I hope Ange P goes fully sick with the youth for the Spain game.

Why not give Adam Taggart, Ben Halloran, Oliver Bozanic, Massimo Luongo and Bailey Wrght some game time? I also think Mitch Langerak should get a start. I don't think I could handle anymore Matty Ryan blunders.  

Who knows perhaps the GenNext Hispters can cause their own Immortal World Cup moment by beating World Champions Spain!

Vamos Socceroos farken Vamos!