Brazil - Colombia, Holland- Costa Rica WC Quarter Final Previews

Brazil - Colombia Side Show Bob vs Colombian Samba

"If we win the World Cup we can stay in Brazil, if we lose we will have to live in Europe"

That was Side Show Bob (David Luiz) from the Simpsons speaking to Gary Liniker in the excellent documentary "Lineker in Brazil" Of course the gift that is the internet has a picture of Sideshow Bob and David Luiz  ready for me.

The pressure on Brazil the home nation for the 2014 World Cup must by all synonyms of huge. Even though they have won five World Cup the Brazilians have a Word Cup history of buckling under the pressure. Losing to Uraguay in the last minute in 1954 and more recently The World Cup in France 1998 and the mystery of Ronaldo

That mystery was solved when during the aforementioned documentary "Lineker in Brazil the Potato chip spruiker Lineker, asks Ronaldo about what happened during the moments leading up to the 1998 World Cup Final against France. The strory goes after luch on the day of the final Ronaldo suffered a seizure and was unconscious for almost five minutes.

The Superstar Striker went to hospital and nothing was found to be medically wrong with him so after getting the all clear from the doctors and declaring himself fit to play the Striker went on to play the game whre he was poor impression of usual superstar self. History shows that France won the final against Brazil 3-0. Zidane scored two goals from corners with his head. Guess who was supposed to mark him at those corners? That's right Ronaldo.

Don't Cry for Me Brazil

The Brazilians have brought in a sports psychologist to ready the players minds before they take on Colombia. Tim Vickery the South American expert reckons the Jogo Bonito boys are crying before matches, during the game and after. Is it tears of relief or tears of joy?

It's well known before games the Brazilians turn up singing and dancing. I wonder what are they listening to before the games this time round. Enya? Cat Power? Andre Reus? I'd be crying before the game if the only strikers my team had were Fred and Jo. They are probably the worst pairing seen on a football pitch since Celine Dion and her Quebec accent played at Wembley Arena.

At the moment Neymar has the hopes of  200 million Samba botherers  on his shoulders. Hulk has been playing more like Bruce Banner and at times the the team looks more disjointed than Christoper Nolan's third Batman film the Dark Night Rises.

Still part of me wants Brazil to get their shit together and show us the real Brazil. It will make the party last longer.

Colombian Samba

Columbia meanwhile is doing really good business at this World Cup. They are taking apart every team that comes before them with football triumvirate of flair power and skill. I love watching James Rodriguez play he is an old school exponent of  Shoot Farken.  James with a H is upstaging the Brazilians in goals and in goal celebrations. I'm gonna learn me some Colombian Samba!

Will the South Americans produce a dour struggle were both teams cancel each other out because they know each other too well? You would love the cynicism and the pressure of a prospective semi final berth be put aside so the artist and football genius of Neymar and Rodriguez has time and space to shine.

Costa Rica - Holland Green vs Mean

To Paraphrase Kevin Keegan I would love it if Costa Rica beat Holland! Love it!

Those smug Dutch divers beat the Aussies and even serial flopper Robben has admitted to the world that he loves to to be vertically challenged, especially in the box. Along with their moments of thugness and smugness the Dutch have gone from exponents of  Total Football to Total Cheats.

The Dutch are a direct shadow of their former selves Their coach Van Gaal is not afraid to park the bus with five at the back and use the early release pass so Robben, Van Persie and Sneijder feed off the scraps.

But in saying that the Dutch do have quality running through their side. They are not a Kreas side by any means.

Costa Rica  could be in for one hell of a beating. The only weakness the Dutch posess is themselves. I only see them losing to the Tico's if they let their cynicism and arrogance beat them. Yes I'm going to say they are their own worst enemy but it's not just hubris that could be their downfall.

Tico Power

First they have to get through the Costa Rican Uber Keeper Keylor Navas. The Costa Ricans aren't shy when it comes to dangerous attacking threats themselves. Brian Ruiz who Fullham fans must be wondering why he didn't show his World Cup form when the team was being relegated form the English Premier League.

Joel Campbell the Arsenal squad member who Arsene Wenger like a strict parent only now loves because he is successful has the potential to scare the Orange out of the Dutch defenders.

Alas for lovers of Fairy Tales and triumphs of David's over Goliath's I fear the Costa Ricans and their "we aren't even supposed to be here today" mentality might be not be enough to win through against Holland.

The only authentic underdogs in the last eight probably have used up all their energy and luck during the Greece win. I forgive them for beating Greece and the Tico's can redeem themselves by beating the Netherlands. I would love it just love it if they can beat them!

Socceroos - Holland Psycho(Analysis) World Cup 2014 Brazil

The Socceroos Greatest Ever Loss

So the Socceroos couldn't beat the Dutch. Who cares if we lost 3-2 and are now out of contention to move into the next round. Last night's game had enough excitement and drama to last forever in Australian football history.  I may be sounding like an annoying Pollyana but just being in front for a full four minutes against the Orange Botherers is enough to satisfy my football thirst.  Although the Aussies lost I feel good. Almost as good as when the Socceroos beat Japan. It doesn't quite have the euphoria as when the Socceroos drew against Croatia to go into the round of 16 in Germany 2006.

But it's still a special feeling being witness to the Socceroos greatest ever goal, and greatest ever chance of causing one of the greatest ever upsets against one of the greatest Kreas (Van Persie shoulda been sent off for that foul on Jedinak) and possible World Cup contending teams.


What's the difference between the Socceroos and a tea bag? The tea bag spends longer in the cup.

What does a Dutch Footballer do after they win the World Cup? Turn off the PlayStation.

You know you are truly part of a World Cup when you are the punchline for one of it's jokes. And being the butt of a joke is part of the fun of being part of the World's biggest sporting event. As a long suffering football fan in Australia doesn't it feel good to belong to a historic World Cup moment like last night? (even though it did end in heartbreak farken!)

Seeing Tim Cahill's score an Ubermanch goal makes the loss not so bad. Syphilis ridden German Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche had this concept of a human that had other-worldliness qualities.That's what Tim Cahill's Uber goal is for me.

The bar has now been set for every Australian youngster that wants to play for the Socceroos to aim for the same height as Uber Timmy Cahill. The German word Uber means above or beyond. That goal was above or beyond every player or fans wildest dreams.  I wasn't even finished groaning at Arjen Robben's opening goal for Holland when I had to do an about face so I could start cheering, laughing, smiling, exhalting, rejoicing and even a bit of guffawing.

Is Tim Cahill the greatest Socceroo ever? It's not a question anymore it's now a statement.

The Mozz

So which one of you was it? C'mon now be honest. When the Socceroos took the lead through Mile Jedinak's penalty to go up 2-1 in the second half who said out loud "we're gonna win this!" and I know some of you even went further and said "we're gonna win this one easily".

I know this because one of them was sitting next to me. Nice one my brother Phillip. After the Dutch scored the demoralsing third goal I blamed Phillip for the loss. "You stirred up the football gods. You don't say things like that before the game is over, you stirred up the Mozz" I cried!

For those of you that don't know what the Mozz is get Tony Wilson's book Australia United. It's a funny and engaging chronicle of the 2006 World Cup in Germany. In Tony Wilson's own words this is what the Mozz means.

"What the Mozz does is inhabit the etherof the entire universe, wafting around, waiting for the faintest murmur of expressed opinion. The Mozz will then act, swooping down, striking hard, possessing any relevant animal vegetabe or mineral, and transforming the result to the opposite - usually one that is profoundly shit." End of explanation.

And so as Tim Cahill was in hurtling towards the Dutch goal at 2-1 just affter the Jak penalty and with the option of Matt Mckay on his right and another Socceroo on his left the Mozz took hold of Tim Cahill's pass and made it go to long nullifying any attacking opportunity the Socceroos had.

Not soon after Phillip yelled "we're gonna win this one easily"  The Mozz allowed Dutch Winger Memphis to stroll past right back Ryan McGowan allowing him to cut inside, Mathew Leckie tried in vain to get possession back but Memphis got a lucky bounce with the help of the Mozz of course and got the ball back  and passed it to Sneijder who returned the pass back to Memphis who then set up Robin Van Persie for the equalising goal. The Mozz didn't compose Matty Ryan and the ball flew over his head with no hands in the way. The Mozz also made Jason Davidson keep Van Persie onside for his second positioning error in this World Cup.

Later in the game when the Socceroos had another opportunity to score The Mozz  unfortunately made Tommy Oar become too in awe (thanks Wayne Snowdon) of the occasion and he took the wrong option. Finding himself in the Dutch box Oar was in a fantastic position to shoot but instead he fired in a cross that was too hard and the Mozz made Mathew Leckie chest a tame attempt at goal.

The Mozz then  made Tim Cahill get a hamstring injury so Australia lost it's best chance of scoring more goals.

The Mozz is also responsible for making Matty Ryan flap at shot by that man Memphis again that led to the third Dutch goal when Ryan shoulda coulda saved it

But let's get serious it wasn't the Mozz and it wasn't the football gods it was just the cruel mistress that is football that caused the Socceroos to lose. Time to to take a step from the blame game and acknowledge the effort of the Socceroos players and staff in serving up two wonderful World Cup games. The pressure that all involved would have been under and the memories and moments that will never be forgotten makes the critic in me want to have a rest for a while because what the fuck do I know about playing at a World Cup?

Shut Up Pim Verbeek

I really feel like it's time to rejoice at the performance and be optimistic about the future of Australian football. Australia's World Cup group has seen Spain already knocked out. The best team of the better part of the last decade have copped seven goals and scored just one. Australia has a better record than the current World Champs with three goals scored and six against. What if we had a proper defence? None of the Socceroos have the pedigree and recent history the Spanish do.Only Tim Chill and Mark Bresciano have played in World Cups before. 

Before the game and no-one thought that the Socceroos would score any goals! (Pim Verbeek). 

Many thought the A-League was an inferior competition (Pim Verbeek).

How many current and former players A-League were on the pitch Pim?  Eight if i can remember.

The Dutch just like the Chileans before them got the fright of their lives and a real challenge from the Socceroos. No-one besides the players and coaching staff and the most optimistic fan thought the Aussies had any chance of matching our Group B opponents let alone be in a position to draw in the first game and come so close to winning in the second game. 

Sure getting so close and in the end being so far from the desired result is harsh but like Winston Churchill said "Never Despair!, We got the Asian Cup coming up, what's Uber Timmy Cahill going to do next?"

Socceroos vs Holland (Orange Botherers) Preview World Cup 2014 Brazil

"There are two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other peoples football cultures ( Scott Chipperfield) and the Dutch! (Being in the Socceroos World Cup Group)"

The above quote is me paraphrasing the hilarious Movie Austin Powers: Goldmember. It's the only Hollywood movie where the Dutch culture is ridiculed and made fun of. During the film all the lazy stereotypes of the Wogs with Clogs are used as comedy fodder through superfreaky Goldmember (Mike Myers) as he teams up with Dr Evil (Mike Myers) to kidnap Austin Powers Father (Micheal Cain).

Why I bring this up is because the Socceroos are playing Holland and it's probably unlikely the Australians can beat them on the pitch so why not try beating them with humor and mockery.

The Game Plan vs  the Wogs with Clogs

Okay lets get serious and less nervous  Socceroos. You guys have never lost to the Netherlands in an international game. Yes yes yes they may have only been friendlies but it still something. Yes, yes yes most of you current Aussies in the squad has never faced the Dutch but it's a positive and we need all the positives we can get. 

Another positive is that the Australians and the Orange Botherers share a commonality.  Both nations go by three different names. Netherlands, Holland and the Dutch. Australia, The Socceroos, and The Aussies. That irrelevant tidbit makes you less nervous right? Tommy Oar and Jason Davidson I'm talking to you send in those crosses boys!

At the moment it seems like the the only game plan on the clipboard that Ante Milicic is holding and furiously writing notes is "Surely the Dutch can't play as well as they did against the Spanish" and "Surely the Socceroos can't start as badly as they did against Chile."

One thing top teams have in their tactical arsenal is their ability to have a Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. Because the Socceroos have a young and inexperienced team the hope is that they execute Plan A to the best of their ability. For some moments against Chile they were able to that. They held the ball for longer and through Mathew Leckie they were able to exploit the space down the flanks. More of this please!

The stereotypes of the Dutch in football has always been one of total football which basically means totally give the ball to Johan Cruyff. But Johan Cruyff and his mates are another country, a faded T-Shirt, a FIFA DVD on sale now. 

The modern way of playing football  for the Dutch is a mixture of thuggery and arrogance combined  with moments of sublime skill. The Netherlands are not proponents of Total Football but a mixture of possession based, counter attacking at speed wrapped in a Dutch waffle of agricultural football.

This is where the Aussies come in. Mile Jedinak and Mark Milligan (or whover replaces him after being injured) have to show some of their "Kreas" tendencies and not let the likes of De Guzman and De Jong Deboss them or Dekick them around.

Bullies don't like being stood up to and this is where the Aussies can match the Wogs with Clogs. 

Ange Postecoglu talks about being fearless and taking risks but as I banged on about in my last blog Adam Taggart needs to come on the field at some point. Tim Cahill busted a gut for 90 mins. His 34 year old body is going to need a partner. Head Farken misses his Brother Shoot Farken!   Power in numbers and all that Jazz man. This morning in a media scrum Ange said he wasn't happy with his subs (he made them) so perhaps some changes are afoot. Perhaps he read my blog and took note. Of course he did(n't).

The Dutch Whisperer

Australia has it's own Goldmember  in their ranks in Hann Berger. The Berger is at the World Cup in a special advisory role  (double agent?) to the Socceroos. 

The Hann Bergler had a controversial tenure as Australia's Technical director. Some say the direction the Australian game took by following the Dutch 4 3 3 system didn't provide the necessary results or rewards that were promised. Particularly in the way our young players were coached and the dismantling of the Australian Institute of Sport system that produced so many quality Socceroos in the past.  Going Dutch seemed a failure and it showed in some of the poor results Australia's youth teams accumulated at  various Youth World Cups. 

 "Hey everyone I'm from Holland isn't that weird?"

There was also some controversy about the way Berger mandated small sided games and the no winners or losers approach with games ending  result-less. Around the country many local football clubs and associations were reluctant to take on the "trophies for everyone" approach of playing games. Not everyone agreed with The  Hot Dog! "Everyone one was a Wiener!" mentality. 

I can see Hann Berger in his role as The Dutch whisperer leaning into some of the Socceroos players ears and quietly saying "Watch out for Van Persie, Sneijder and Robben they are very very good"

Expectations Lowered

Beofore the Chile game I thought the Socceroos could get away with at least a point against L Roja and when Timmy scored I started to believe in a win. So for this game against the Dutch i'm lowering my expectations. Unless you are blind with with Brazilian party juice it's hard to expect a positive result out of this game. A positive performance from the Socceroos that includes a betters start would be great. A goal would be fantastic and avoiding a thrashing would be a relief.

 It's not that I don't believe it's just that I will feel  better and more elated when the Socceroos cause a surprise and knock those Orange Botherers off their Clogs! Even if it's only through some strong "Hi I'm a Socceroo" fouls (Yes I said it!)