Half Time Heroes One Year Anniversary Edition

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10 things I hate about the Socceroos

1) The problem of replacing the old farts

 The biggest question the Socceroos are facing besides figuring out who the hell the new coach is how the hell we are going to replace 10 years of European experience with a group of unfashionable bench players? 

The most talented part team which was the midfield is getting old. Tim Cahill, Brett Emerton, Jason Culina, Mark Bresciano, Vince Grella and Harry Kewell will be around 35 in time for Brazil 2014. For the last two World Cup cycles the Socceroos midfield has been the main strength. 

The tricky task of replacing those players will be no easy feat. There could be a real possibility that a lot of the 2010 World Cup squad will be playing World Cup qualifiers. The lack of depth in the Socceroos squad means we just don’t have the cattle for a clean out. We are going to need the so called “golden generation” for a few more years at least and forcing some of the players to retire could mean qualification for 2014 in Brazil could be in peril. Forget about Dad’s army, for the Socceroos Brail 2014 could be “Grandpa’s Army”

2) Playing in Europe means we don’t know if you are actually any good

Another problem with so many Aussies playing overseas is because we can’t see them week in and week out it is difficult to gauge how good they actually are. They leave these shores with potential to be good players but in recent years only a few youngsters seemed to have matured save for Nathan Burns and David Carney.  Pim’s mantra was that “Training in Europe is better than playing in the A League”.  A new one should be:

 “Being hidden in Europe is better than showing how crap you are in the A League.”

3) Just because Pim hated the A League does not mean he was wrong

The new coach has been announced and all of a sudden everyone is saying that the A League demands more respect, that the players should be given a chance. Let s not forget that Pim did give the A League players a chance and when he did they disappointed. It’s just that Pim made the mistake of being honest and saying what a lot of people know and thought out loud. Australians are not used to Dutch honesty. I would say there are only half a dozen A League players that should be looked at being picked for future Socceroos squads and wait to you get a taste of the” German backhander” it’s far worse than “Dutch courage”.

4) Not picking youth is wasted on the youth

 A change of the guard my Greek/Cypriot/ Australian hairy arse! The game against Slovenia was a great chance to give players like Tommy Oar, James Holland, Nathan Burns and Dario Vidosic more game time instead they stayed on the bench for most of the game while Richard Garcia started. Did anyone not learn anything from the Germany game?

5) Lucas Neil ass as big as J LO’s

Time to say goodbye Lucas that is all.

6) Hiddink’s success is a dark shadow

He came he saw he kicked some Uruguayan and Japanese arse. Even though he was only Socceroos boss for a few months Guus Hiddink is hero worshipped for what he did for Australian football and so he should be. Verbeek and new boss Hosiek must feel like they have to follow the Beatles after they just opened with Sergeant Peppers and Day in the Life.

7) The brand is better than the product

At the moment the Socceroos have what they call “positive brand equity”. But lose some more friendly games in the manner that they did against Slovenia and produce a poor showing at the Asian Cup in January and the Socceroos brand will get a bad reputation and the negative flow on affects to financial (TV money sponsorship), brand extensions (A League, Youth League and State League’s) and consumer base (band wagoners jumping off) could be terminal.

8) Ex –Socceroos Illuminati

With each Socceroo retirement another member joins the EX Socceroos Illuminati. After getting their heads on the box for ten years being an expert in running, jumping, kicking, tackling and shooting, they are now the experts in talking, shouting, joking and experting.

They will never criticize their own (think Kevin Muscat). and they hold unseen power and sway in the football community. Any ex sports star will tell you it’s a dramatic change; where once they were Heroes on the field now they are now perceived as Idiots off it.

What to do with a retired sports star? Should they get a job as an assistant youth coach or shave everyday and get a job in the media.  The gloss of your amazing playing career gets shined off by desperate ranting and raving about how in my day we had three jobs and a horse.

Lately the” Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” mantra has been unravelling for the Socceroos.   During the past week while writing for the Terror both senior members of the Ex-Socceroos Illuminati Robbie Slater and Mark Bosnich have been leaking some secrets. According to Slater a senior Socceroo told Harry Kewell to f off. And according to Bosnich there was:“Talk of management being told to leave the dressing-room moments before the opening World Cup game”, and “Of people tip-toeing around certain players, fearful of their power and influence,”

All the juicy gossip is slowly starting to come out. I wonder what other dressing room shenanigans occurred in South Africa.

9) Holger Osieck, What Now?

The ubiquitous “They” love making big calls with one sentence cliché’s.

A well used one is: “A nation gets the leader it deserves.” After having a laid back Dutch coach who was more friends than ruler (Verbeek) with his players the Socceroos now get a German who has a history of being too bossy with his players. 


Fun time is over boys. I can’t wait for the next instalment of the long running Socceroos soap opera “Why doesn’t the coach pick me?” Starring Joel Griffiths and Eddy Bosnar.

Hiddink had the luxury of having Viduka, Kewell, Grella, Cahill, Neill and Moore at their physical peaks. Verbeek suffered from this group getting older and carrying injuries and losing speed. Osieck has a much harder job than Verbeek or Hiddink ever had.  It could be that the Socceroos deserve the German kind of man management but what about us fans? Do we really deserve the ex-coach of Canada? I reckon Sydney FC Viteslav Lavicka coach has a much better CV. But let’s give him a chance.

10) Vidmar and Van Egmand are a scary future.

The future is unwritten said the late Clash front man Joe Strummer. But for the Socceroos it’s Aurelio Vidmar and Gary Van Egmond. 

The future normally doesn’t scare me (except for global warming, peak oil use and the next Indiana Jones Movie)  but thinking of these two as the future Socceroos coaching team; I can’t promise that skid marks will not be somewhere in the future.

Pim and Purge

After two International tournaments were the Olyroos and Socceroos failed to get out of the group stage at the Olympics and at the World Cup it’s time to Purge Australian football of this safety first nonsense that has infected Australian football.

While the Olympics debacle has long been forgotten the World Cup campaign is still fresh in the mind. On both of these occasions the men in charge Graham Arnold and Pim Verbeek both got the same tattoo. In show of fraternity the words “ Erring on the side of caution” can be seen on both their upper arms.

It can be seen in the players they chose in their squads, it can be seen in their tactics on the field, it can be seen in their fashion sense, the way they speak and finally the way they walk. And the walk away from the National team of both men can only embolden football to take that caution and throw it to the wind.

Pim Verbeek’s Socceroos coaching story can be easily written with his first and last game that he coached.. His first game as coach of the the Socceroos was against Qatar and the score was 3-0. Pim played a 4 4 2 formation with a diamond midfield. In attack we had Scott Mc Donald, Josh Kennedy, Mark Bresciano and Tim Cahill as our main attacking weapons. Never again would we see that formation again. It was not till the last game against Serbia with the score 0-0 that Pim threw caution to the wind. The beginning and the end were positive, aggressive and undeniably Australian. While the middle had a gooey runny centre that Mat Preston from Masterchef (you gotta know it to mock it) would call his coaching style: bland, flavourless, lacking in texture and born from a lack of technique.

After the 2006 World Cup exploits the Socceroos got cautious. Guus Hiddink by nature was a risk taker. Verbeek and Arnold were not. The memory of the Olympics still burns me. Of course I should let it go but I have Greek heritage and besides food I love holding grudges even more. You can see it in the bulge in my back and the weird expression in my face when it’s set to neutral.

I bring up the Olympics because I have been watching Nathan Burns with his AEK Athens teammates play in the Sydney Festival of football. No player has suffered more from this cautions Australia than Nathan Burns. The next big thing in Australian football was left out of the Olympics squad because Graham Arnold though that the kid born in the NSW town of Orange could not run in the heat. Ahhh...... that cautions coaching kicking in again, even the excuses were cautious. It was great to see Nathan in action in the flesh. It gives me hope for the future.

So who will be the next man in the Socceroos hot seat? I don’t care as long as the balance swings away from the dull pragmatic tactics that hid the best qualities that Australian sport has to offer. Having an Aussie go!!!

(The term UN-Australian was hoping to be used in this article but due to the rampant over use of the term during and after the World Cup it has taken a break due to the National Election being announced. It hopes it can be seen and heard during the Asian Cup regardless of the nationality of the coach)

Half Time Heroes World Cup Review

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Football’s 10 Commandments

1) Thou shalt have no other codes before me. (AFL, Rugby League, Union I’m talking to you)

2) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or take any likeness of any footballer that is on the playing field or that is on the television, or that is in the training pitch to make Castrol or Nike ads that will be played ad nauseum. Thou shall risk looking stupid when knocked out  of the World Cup early. (I did like the History ads from the Germany World Cup though, bring those back)

 3) Thou shalt not bow down thyself to other teams, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, when visiting the opposition look upon the children to make tifo and sing chants;

4) Thou shalt not take the name of the football God’s in vain; especially when using a handball to score or stop goals. ( that one really pisses God off!)

5) Remember the sabbath day (and keep midweek for cup ties) to keep it holy for football games.

6) Six days shalt thou train, and do all thy work on set pieces: But the seventh day is the game day: in it thou shalt not do any diving, nor thy defender, nor thy midfielder, thy attacker, nor thy substitute,  nor thy referee should bring red cards within thy pocket for nothing challenges. (that red card on Timmy Cahill was harsh wasn’t it, i’ll be having a word to the Mexican referee about that one)

7) Honour thy referee and thy linesman: if thy fouls may be brutal upon the opponent  Referee thy Red card giveth thee. (Kevin Muscat I’m talking to you!)

8) Thou shalt not kill or butcher a two on one chance when facing thy opposition Goalie.

9)  Thou shalt not commit hogging. (Pedro, Ramos and particularly Robben I’m talking to you!)

10) Thou shalt not steal goal celebrations and make Coke ads out of them.

Lessons to Forget about this World Cup

One Loss and We Hate You

The manic and depressive nature of being an Australian football fan. One loss and all of a sudden Australia is a laughing stock and no-one really cares about football. One win and all of a sudden the nation is bursting with pride.  Also notice that the Headline writers love using “We” and “Our” in front of the Socceroos when they win it gives us the feeling of community but lose and we will disown you like one of Pele’s or Maradonna’s kids born out of wedlock.

Courage and Pride A Cover For Losers

If your team is called courageous and the fans are filled with pride after your team gets knocked out of the World Cup then you are nothing but losers who dine on mediocrity. You should concentrate on the Commonwealth Games.

Damn You 4-2-3-1

If your team plays with this system they are afraid to lose and if both teams are playing this system then its 90 minutes of midfield mediocrity a system that shackles teams, frustrates fans and gives analysts wet dreams. All this talk about tactics and team ideology is really all about moving one guy a little forwards and another guy a little backwards.

Socceroos Don’t Cry but Craig Foster and Les Murray do!

I would say that only Harry Kewell would have been well within his right to have a cry. All those laps and stretching and groin rubbing and he only played less than 30 mins. Tim Cahill had a cry after he was sent off, and so did the whole nation. Craig Foster, Les Murray and the rest of us cried when we saw the Socceroos line up against Germany.

The A League is better than training in Europe

New Zealand showed that A League players were able to play at the World Cup. After months of well known coaches suggesting that it couldn’t be done. The Kiwi’s showed the world that they can run for 90 minutes and play effective Rugby style field position Football. Who cares if it doesn’t allow you win a game the point is that the Kiwi’s could end up being the only undefeated team at this World Cup. If it so, it will be a football quiz question for the ages.

Losing 4-0 to Germany is Un-Australian

If you don’t say someone is Un-Australian at least 100 times in your Australian life you are Un-Australian.

Winning and Diving is South American

Those South Americans with their skills and deceitful playing tactics, I’m sorry but you can’t have one without the other. Diving is a skill, feigning injury is a skill, and walking on and off the pitch next to a fair play flag with a straight face is an even bigger skill.

Australian Football Media are Mentalist Cry Babies

Watching Craig Foster lose it little by little with every game the Socceroos played was almost as enjoyable as the football. The suggestion that former captains should look at the team sheet and tactics prior to the game to make sure the team plays like Australians was a beauty. In fact it should be extended to fans and friends and wives and girlfriends of the players as well. Sort of like a leadership group in AFL get everyone in the change room prior to the game and everyone takes a vote. Should we play with one striker? Hands up if Brett Holman should play.

A Crazy Maradona is better Than Most Sane Coaches.

Maradona has shown that all you need is love. He constantly gives his players kisses and bear hugs before, during and after games. Who doesn’t want a hug from a sweaty, bearded short man with two watches? Perhaps Pim should have hugged or kissed more. I know Harry needed a hug. But what kind of hug?

Me-Hug: The hug that the Socceroos were using leading up to the World Cup. With rumours of a split in the Socceroos camp the technique of wrapping your arms around yourself could have been the reason the Socceroos were dumped out in the group stage.

Custom-tailored Hug: This is the hug that Pim failed to use during the tournament. A high-quality hug that could have saved the Socceroos. It is used whenever a taller hugger hugs a smaller huggee.

Bear Hug: Maradona has been using this technique all tournament. The full body hug places the Hugger and huggee toe-to-toe and belly-to-belly.  Feeling Mardona’s belly inspires the players. Since Maradona is god, touching belly of the gods gives the Argentine’s that divine help.

So learn and forget these lessons. You the tall Dutch guy at the back, I’m taking to you!!!

Well Kempt Referee's 2 Socceroos 0: World Cup Ghana Analysis

There are not enough swear words in the English language to express the anger, rage and frustration of a Socceroos fan who was been watching Australia at the World Cup in South Africa.

Australia swept aside the memory of the Germany game and started their second World Cup game against Ghana like men possessed. With eyeballs popping out of their heads every Socceroo was pressing a Ghana player every time they got the ball. It would not be re-miss of me to say that some Australian players looked like they had taken the route of some members of the 1978 World Cup winning Argentinean team who were doped to their eyeballs in that tournament. Not that I am saying the Socceroos were doped up, but they just looked like it.

The first half was frantic, wacky and frustrating. A Mark Brecsicano free kick tamed the Jabulani ball, the Ghana keeper couldn’t handle and the most derided player in the history of the Socceroos Brett Holman scores the rebound and only goal so far for the Socceroos at South Africa 2010.  1-0 nil all up and it’s the perfect start. But then a few minutes later the Socceroos were conceding good position to Ghana, the verve and drive of the Socceroos had disappeared for a small moment and the most dangerous player on the pitch winger Andre Ayew beat two players down the right flank to send in a dangerous cross and then the swear words came out when Harry Kewell was sent off for deliberate hand ball on the Ghana goal line. After Tim Cahill’s send off in the first game it almost felt like I was getting used to this but Gyan struck the penalty, Ghana are level the Socceroos have 10 men and Gyan still dances like he has to go to the toilet real quick.

My friends and family were shouting at Half Time: “don’t worry; we are going to have two chances to score in the second half.” And we did.  Scott Chipperfield who was brilliant when came on missed a header with his first touch and Luke Wilkshire failed when he had a one on one situation with the keeper and Josh Kennedy disappointingly did a Peter Crouch air swing with the rebound.

The game was one of those unforgettable World Cup games and the final score of  1-1 sets up final game against Serbia needing the Socceroos to win big and other results to go our way.  We should believe Australia because anything can happen in this absolutely crazy and mental Group D.

It’s amazing that the Socceroos are still in with a chance to progress to the second round.  The World Cup has been a nightmare; most of the big refereeing decisions are going against the Socceroos. Our two best players getting sent off in consecutive games both appear to be very harsh decisions and technically you can say yes they are red cards but you can also argue that  the other teams have not been punished like Australia. Just like the Ghanaian midfielder who tackled Bresciano from behind, he only received a yellow card and you just wonder if Brecs had rolled around and milked the challenge and if the other players circled the referee he could have been pressured to give a red instead of a yellow but the Socceroos don’t play like that.

The sight of these well kempt referees with their little shorts, over elaborate use of hair product and their awful decisions during this World Cup makes me think we should let them have their own Nike commercial, that way they don’t have to feel like being the centre of attention all the time. It’s not enough for these sporting sociopath’s to be on TV and blow a whistle no they have to spoil a free flowing game.

After the game I indulged in some post match banter with Ghana journalist Gary Al Smith the Ghana football writer for worldcupblog.org:

“Lucky Ghana what can I say. One of your midfielder's should have got a red card, Kewell's handball was not a red card and now I wait for Germany to kick your lucky Ghanaian ass.”I said.

To which he replied: “Well, tell Mr Kewell to stop handling balls in the vital area, then? And don’t forget that the Roos destiny is in GHANA's hands.”

So to the last game against Serbia, we need a miracle to happen and you have to believe it can happen considering all the unbelievable results that have occurred in South Africa so far.

Just like Serbia’s previous two games I’m sure they have a handball in the box waiting for us. It would be rude of them not to give Australia the same gift they shared with Ghana and Germany. I posed this thought to Nikola Burazer the Serbian writer for the worldcupblog.org website and he said:

“Yes, that would be polite from Serbia.  Do you have any idea who might be the next one to handball? Ivanović, Subotić, Stanković?  No, seriously, you should not expect a penalty from Serbia, only a red card. At every tournament, we concede two penalties and receive two red cards. So, expect some of our boys to go red.”

So make sure you look out your window you might see some pigs flying around this week,, at least the Socceroos are alive for the final game we get Timmy back and have a another few days of hoping ,worrying and dreaming.

German Blitzkrieg Destroys Soccerpoos

Pim Verbeek took a gamble on his conservative side and doubled it up. Forget the lone striker Pim technically went with a 442 with Tim Cahill and Richard Garcia up front. But really it was a  team with seven players in defence and three players in attack.

With three defensive midfielders in the side, Harry Kewell Mark Breciano and Josh Kennedy were left on the bench and stayed there.

Pim Verbeek will no doubt cop it from the fans and media for the personal and tactical decisions he made. And so he should, No team in this World Cup will play with such conservative tactics.  Three defensive midfielders there to screen the defence were opened up with ease. At  times the Germans had the choice of going in behind, wide or through the middle of our ageing defence and did it with ease and with regularity.

Everything that can go wrong did go wrong for the Aussies.. Early in the second half Tim Cahill got sent off for a challenge that did not deserve a red card but the well kempt Mexican referee thought otherwise.

This was a nightmare for any Socceroo fan. After a bright start that led to a Tim Cahill header almost being hooked in from the rebound by Richard Garcia it all turned pear shaped. Germany scores the opener after 10 minutes. Lucas Neill was playing the offside trap by himself. The Fanatics had a chant pre-game that was “Where’s’ your Ballack ?, Where’s your Ballack?” sung to the Basement Jaxx tune “Where’s your head at?” And the answer was the German midfielder Mezet Ozil. He destroyed Australia. The German fans where also heard to sing “Where’s your defence at?”

So 2-0 after 25 minutes the Germans pre-match talk of destroying Australia was not arrogance it was a warning. Brett Emerton was Australia’s best player and Brett Holman who replaced Vince Grella at half time also played ok.

It’s not a hopeless situation but it is close to it. Two goals in the second half made the final score 4-0 to Germany and Australia now face Ghana without Tim Cahill. Ghana played well against Serbia to win 1-0 in the earlier game and newspaper and football pundits will be saying Australia has an uphill battle to make the second round as this result means that Australia will need to beat both Ghana and Serbia.

Ghana was without Sulley Muntari ansd Stepehn Appia from the start of the game against Serbia yet still played very well.  They have a team that looks quick and skilful something that the Socceroos are not. The Germans can be considered favourites for the World Cup after that performance while the Socceroos will struggle to score or get a point based on theirs.

But like the cliché goes tomorrow is the next day of the rest of your life, or is it today is the worst day of the rest of your life?, Anyway we got a few days to sulk and point fingers, let’s hope Verbeek  and the Socceroos can get their shit together for the next game, no pressure boys it’s only the World Cup and it can’t get any worse can it?

World Cup: The Teams

Now the World Cup is upon us, it’s time to make fun of the cultural differences that exist on and off the football field. Here is part one of my politically incorrect assessment of all the World Cup teams.



Algeria
Who/what are ya famous for?
Famous philosopher Albert Camus played as goalkeeper for Racing Universitaire Algerois.
His famous football quote is worn as t-shirt by football hipsters or nerds (mostly nerds).
Prediction: They have England and USA in their group. Pundits say you’re out! Romantics and Algerians dream of causing an ‘absurd’ upset.

Argentina
Who/what are ya famous for?
Maradona has chosen a very weird squad. Omitting experienced players and
including unknowns from the Argentinean league.
After Argentina won their last two WCQ matches a demure Maradona gave it to the press:
“They can suck it and carry on sucking it,
This is for all Argentines, minus the journalists.”
Prediction: Will meet Brazil in the final and beat them.


Australia
Who/what are ya famous for?
Playing funny sports, an assortment of animals that will kill you, bogan (wannabe) gangsters and racist politicians.
Prediction: Football pundits in Australia and around the world give us no hope, the opposition don’t know who our players are and the conservative coach is scared to death of playing any attacking football. I reckon we will make the Quarters after beating England and lose to France by some dodgy way in the quarters.

Brazil
Who/what are ya famous for?
Being the most famous football team in the world and for their ex-players falling to earth with a thud! Garincha (the drink) Ronaldo (the lady boy) and mostly beating every other team at half pace.
Prediction: Will make the final of the World Cup where they will be beaten by Argentina.

Cameroon
Who/what are ya famous for?
Having a cool nickname, Roger Milla goal celebrations and sleeveless shirts.
Prediction: Will get knocked out by Italy in the round of 16.


Chile
Who/what are ya famous for?
Dodgy dictators and being overshadowed by Argentina and Brazil.
Prediction: Will be knocked out by Brazil in the round of 16.

Denmark
Who/what are ya famous for?
Drawing cartoons of famous religious figures and making me and the rest of the world go to sleep while their games are on.
Prediction: Will not make it out of the group stage. Some groups will fall asleep, others will want to blow them up.

England
Who/what are ya famous for?
After trying to colonise the world, what remains from the fallen Empire is the phrase “fuck off” and the game of football.
Prediction: Will be beaten by Australia in the round of 16.

France
Who/what are ya famous for?
Making the 2010 World Cup by cheating their way past the unlucky Irish.
Prediction: Will lose to Brazil in the semi final.

Germany
Who/what are ya famous for?
Upon hearing that their captain Michael Ballack was ruled out of the World Cup it made me wish that there was a German word that describes the joy you feel from somebody else’s misfortune. (Thanks Sid Lowe for that one).
Prediction: Will make the quarter finals where they will be knocked out by Argentina.

Ghana
Who/what are ya famous for?
Hopefully not knocking Australia out of the group stages.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stages.

Greece
Who/what are ya famous for?
Let us see: modern civilization, democracy, music, art, theatre, maths, all that stuff. But then rested for a couple of thousand years, did not pay any tax during that time, sang the same song and danced the same dance and now is broke.
Prediction: My dad says Greeks are good for two things: dancing and drinking ouzo. With Argentina, Nigeria and Korea Republic in their group they will be lucky to score a goal ala USA 94.

Honduras
Who/what are ya famous for?
Fighting a football war with El Salvador in 1969!
Prediction: Will struggle to make the round of 16.

Italy
Who/what are ya famous for?
Will be fitted with the tightest shirts and shorts of any team in this Wold Cup. They are openly proud of being a bunch of mummies’ boys. They love late drama, cheating and cattenacio (10 defenders and a goal keeper).
Prediction: Will be beaten in the semi final by Argentina.

Ivory Coast (Cote d’Ivoire)
(Orderves)
Who/what are ya famous for?
Didier Drogba and the only country besides Holland that has more than one name.
Prediction: Lose to Spain in round of 16.

Japan
Who/what are ya famous for?
The land of Hot. Hot ladies, hot food and their strikers always melt when in front of goal.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage.

Mexico
Who/what are ya famous for?
Gardening and illegal aliens with rights. Hosting two of the best world cups on record (1970 and 1986).
Prediction: Knocked out by Argentina in the round of 16.

Netherlands
Who/what are ya famous for?
Preferring to win and look good than winning and playing ugly. They are so arrogant, they wear orange and think it looks cool.
Prediction:
Q) What does a Dutch player do after they win the World Cup?
A) Turn off the Play Station.

New Zealand
Who/what are ya famous for?
Not laughing at sheep jokes. Hating Australians and being nice to everyone else.
Prediction: The Kiwi’s have nothing to lose except pride and being the butt of more sheep jokes.

Nigeria
Who/what are ya famous for?
Not being able to beat Argentina in three previous world cups.
Prediction: Will lose to France in the round of 16.

North Korea
Who/what are ya famous for?
Egomanic Dictators Wanting to start World War Three and bowl haircuts. Being able to dance in synch with large groups
Prediction: Will be knocked out in Group Stage

Paraguay
Who/what are ya famous for?
Being confused with Uruguay
Prediction: Knocked out by Holland in round of 16

Portugal
Who/what are ya famous for?
Pretty boy footballers who speak English in Castrol advertisements very badly.
Prediction: Will fail to reach the group stage.



Serbia
Who/what are ya famous for?
Getting confused with Croatia and hopefully being kicked out of the World Cup by Australia.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage.
.
Slovakia
Who/what are ya famous for?
Getting confused with Slovenia.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage.

Slovenia
Who/what are ya famous for?
Getting Confused with Slovakia.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage.

South Africa
Who/what are ya famous for?
The institution of apartheid.
The iconic Nelson Mandella (played badly by Morgan Freeman in the 2009 Movie Invictus) was arrested in 1962 and released in 1990. After that, apartheid was dismantled in a series of negotiations from 1990 to 1993, culminating in elections in 1994, the first in South Africa with universal suffrage. Mandela became president in 1994.

Have you heard that song I’ve never met a nice South African? Here are some lyrics:
No, he’s never met a nice South African
And that’s not bloody surprising, mun
‘Cos we’re a bunch of arrogant bastards
Who hate black people.

Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage, the only home team to suffer that fate in the history of the world cup.


South Korea
Who/what are ya famous for?
The South Koreans are the world’s best break dancers and made the semi-finals in 2002 with some of the dodgiest decisions ever seen in World Cup history.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage unless they get the same refs from 2002.

Spain
Who/what are ya famous for?
Having one the best leagues in the world of football and always failing at the big time events. Except two years ago, when they beat Germany to win Euro 2008.
Prediction: Injuries to key players will mean they will be knocked out by Italy in the quarter finals.

Switzerland
Who/what are ya famous for?
Being neutral. Which is ironic since the neutral fan hates Switzerland.
Prediction: Did Switzerland really play in this World Cup?


United States
Who/what are ya famous for?
Being the World Champions in sports where they are the only country that participates. Trying to bring democracy (steal oil from) to other countries.
Prediction: Will be knocked out by Germany in the Round of 16

Uruguay
Who/what are ya famous for?
The first winners against Argentina in 1930 and winning the World Cup against Brazil in their own back yard (1950) and then not much else really.
Prediction: Will be knocked out in the group stage.

WORLD CUP 2010: GHANA WATCH

 Ghana football writer Gary Al Smith's report on  Ghana's 4-1 loss to Holland is very interesting from an Australian perspective. Most of these international friendlies are training sessions or just warm up games. It's all prelude till the real thing, the big WC.. But RATM did not sing a tune called Know Your Enemy for nothing.

Here are the ratings for Ghana and a link to his story:

GK:Richard Kingson: 4 – Played like he was on Skelaxine (a popular type of arthritis medication). Jittery, indecisive and totally out of his depth. Disappointing, really.

 LB:Hans Adu-Sarpei: 6 – Once again, hardly lost the ball and kept his left side of the field generally safe. Only problem is his lack of pace, but it seems Ghana have no option to stick with him as his replacement is also a right-footed Rahim Ayew.

John Paintsil: 5 – The Fulham man was quiet. Didn’t do much and was symptomatic of the whole team’s first half showing. Still, a dependable soul whose starting role is guaranteed.

Isaac Vorsah: 7 – Stood tall in defense, literally and figuratively. At a point, he was playing a holding midfield role alongside Annan and Boateng and was being overworked. But he was quietly effective, calm and solid for the whole match, especially preventing Van Persie from scoring. Shows his class more and more all the time.

Lee Addy: 5 – Did his best under the circumstances yet he is a bit shaky. That said, the only thing he needs is an injection of confidence and a little inspiration from experienced defenders like Mensah.

Anthony Annan: 4 – His usual combative levels were lost today. The first half was not good for him, like for the rest of the side. Was played in a holding/mopping role with Derek Boateng, a position he’s usually comfortable in. An off-day he had, perhaps, as he allowed Sneidjer to run rings around him.

Stephen Appiah: 4 - If Rajevac declines to the use the captain against Latvia or even against Serbia, there would be very few complaints. He was overrun, outplayed and outmuscled. His inspirational and leadership qualities on the field are very much in question now. Despite his calss, it is crystal clear that Appiah is not the same player he was. When he was in Ghana a few weeks ago, his body language said he was ready for one last hurrah. Never happened today.

Sulley Muntari: 5 – Was restricted by the coach not to move forward, so his role was limited. He loves to surge forward on occasion but it was clear he had been defined as a supplier for Amoah. He could not do this because he was heavily closed down by the Dutch midfield. He still needs to be a starter because his hard tackles bring a lot to the game.

Quincy Owusu-Abeyie: 3 – Where to begin? When given a starting role in front of a nation that is divided about your importance, you do not do four stepovers on every ball. On one occasion he had Amoah in his sights and the team lost a good chance because of his over-deliberation. Has shot himself in his fast-paced feet. Would be shocked if he ever gets a starting role again.

Derek Boateng: 6 – Was one of few players still on in the second half. With the right support he is able to move forward and give out the balls. But anyone who has watched him for Getafe knows he is not half the player he’s been for Ghana in his past two internationals.

Matthew Amoah: 4 – His inability to replicate his club form is baffling. For Ghana, he does not chase down lose Dutch balls in the opposing half and does not run at defenders. Unfortunately, the young Dominic Adiyiah and Prince Tagoe staked a better claim to start than he does.

Used subs:
Prince Tagoe: 5 – Not firing at all cylinders, but getting there. Desire to do the dirty work is clear. However, a lack of playing time also shows in his game as he is not as sharp as we know him to be.

Andre Ayew: 6 – One of the better players on the field after his coming. Came on at the start of the second half, with purpose. Went in for the 50-50 balls without fear. Over the past year or so, the main issue with him has been his over-deliberation; today it was just touch-and-go stuff from Abedi’s son.

Dominic Adiyiah: 4 - Came on with some spirited runs but was soon dealt with by the Dutch expreince. Even had a rare shot on goal and showed that with more international exposure, he can face off with the big boys even at his age. Looked a bit starry-eyed at times.

Kwadwo Asamoah: N/A – Came on too late to make a meaningful impact. Should he have been brought earlier for Derek? That’s open to question, as Derek was also finding his rhythm late on.

John Mensah: 6 – Came on at the start of the second half and his job to be captain (leader and inspirer) was well done. Brought immediate stability to his defense. Do I hear 23 million Ghanaians praying for him to be fit for the entire duration of the World Cup? I think you know why.

Asamoah Gyan: 6 – Heckled the Dutch backline on more than one occasion, earning himself a caution in his zeal. The goal would do a lot for his confidence. Clearly a starting role is guaranteed for him.

Coach Milovan Rajevac: 7 – The Serbian has made his point. In the first half he used a team he's not too confident in, with a few exceptions. They did not disappoint. Most of them were a sweet mistake. That's why he brought on the preferred team in the second half, to make a simple point to all of us: when he decides to drop certain ‘big boys’ in the coming games, can anyone complain?

No. The 4-3-2-1 in the first half and the 4-3-3 formations used in both halves respectively were all part of his shuffling of roles for the players. At a point in the first half, Muntari was even moved to the right while Quincy was moved to the left. Clearly trying them out.

Two sets of players have shown that to be in this team, you have to be match fit and you need regular club time.

http://blogs.soccernet.com/ghana/archives/2010/06/video_highlights_player_rating.php

Socceroos-Kiwi's Analysis: Is This It?

This is what says it all for me when looking at the Socceroos performance against New Zealand at the MCG. The Strokes first album Is This It.  And after playing like this for the last couple of years the answer unfortunately is yes. I’ve been hoping and praying and meditating that the Socceroos performances will swing into overdrive and the slick quick tempo play that the Socceroos showed at 06 World Cup and against Holland and Ireland away in friendlies would came back.

Sure that kind of play I described only happened in spurts and the rest of the time the Aussies are mostly chasing the play and thwarting attacks but lest get realistic. The defence is slow. The long balls are many, the inventive play and imagination is not there and the speed is lacking. The speed of thought, speed of action and speed of execution is laboured and most times contrived. The game plan of 4-2-3-1 set up mostly in a negative defensive formation not to concede must be so obvious to the opposition.

Pim’s often quoted mantra “That training in Europe is better than playing the A League” proved to be a case of bullshit! New Zealand ‘s A League contingent troubled the European Socceroos so much that they resorted to clumsy studs in air challenges that almost broke Leo Bertos's leg. The wine stained bruises on Bertos's leg made the Socceroos out as disrespectful thugs. A painful irony considering that Grella one of the main culprits was saying during the build up to the game that the Kiwi’s should not be looking to cause injuries.

Unlike Gus when you did not know what to expect.  The opposition coming up against Australia should not fear anything the Australians do. With Pim the players know what to expect. The first 11 is guaranteed a spot and those players do not feel any pressure for their spots except to be fit.

Lately the Socceroos have been playing to a very poor script. With the actors only giving half arsed performances and the understudy’s not being much better. The exciting characters that have that special something are fading ( Kewell) or are being ignored(Carle). And you know what’s going to happen next. There is no M Night Shyamalan twist here. The formula is getting boring/ Play crap in the first half and then a bit better in the second. Why does it take a half time chat for Pim to get the players to pass the ball quicker and for the full backs to join in the attack?

All my pre-World Cup excitement has dissipated and I fear that we are going to get one big time ass kicking.  Watching the Socceroos slide dangerously into New Zealand players I felt that same ugly feeling of hate that I sometimes reserve for the Australian Cricket team.

For the first time in a long time I wanted the Socceroos  to lose. So they can learn a lesson. But the worst thing possible happened they won and Brett Holman who couldn’t pass an STD in an African brothel ended up scoring the winner.

So I wait for the uninspired cull that Pim will make today. He will cut the players you want to see and keep the ones that you don’t.

( The thoughts of this writer do not reflect the optimism that is supposed to be shown when your national team is about to embark on it's third World Cup, however he has been forced to open up on his true feelings upon witnessing the "shit on the stick" that was on offer at the MCG last night.)

End of Vent! Go the Socceroos, just go..............


Read all about it:
Later today Scott McDonald, Nick Carle and Jade North was cut by Pim Verbeek.
Tommy Oar, James Holland, Shane Lowry and Eugene Galekovich are said be on standby only getting on the pitch in South Africa if an injury occurs.


One to be culled from the 24 below by the 1st of June. I reckon Vidosic/Ruckavytsa is gone.

Goalkeepers: Mark Schwarzer, Adam Federici, Brad Jones,
Defenders: Scott Chipperfield, David Carney, Lucas Neill, Michael Beauchamp, Craig Moore, Mark Milligan, Rhys Williams, Luke Wilkshire.
Midfielders: Vince Grella, Carl Valeri, Jason Culina, Mile Jedinak, Tim Cahill, Brett Holman, Dario Vidosic, Mark Bresciano, Brett Emerton, Richard Garcia,
Strikers: Nikita Rukavytsya, Josh Kennedy, Harry Kewell.

I wonder how many squads will be taking only three strikers to the World Cup?

What kinda crazy will Maradona get up to during this World Cup?

The World Cup hype and coverage has been ramped up to overdrive this week. The announcement of the World Cup players squads, the World Cup themed TV advertisements and the end of the European football seasons has put the World Cup in South Africa front and centre of the crazy and casual football fans consciousness.

To get in the mood I have been reading and watching World Cup related books and films. I am in the middle of reading the excellent Maradona biography by Jimmy Burns one of the best football writers around. The book is called "The Hand Of God, The Life of Maradona and delves into Maradona's personal and football life and as one reviewer put it 'Few people emerge innocent in this book.'

Maradona's Exclusion from 1978 Argentina WC Squad

What I found really eye opening was Maradona's exclusion from the 1978 World Cup Argentinian squad. Argentina went on to win that World Cup in Argentina. In the background of that triumph a Military Junta ran the country.

Here is an extract from the book on why then Argentine coach Luis Menotti  didn't pick the then 17 year old Maradona for the 1978 World Cup squad:

"Menotti told me he didn't pick Maradona because he believed he was still too young, both physically and emotionally, to deal with possible defeat - an assessment which appears at first sight to have been confirmed by Maradona's reaction to his exclusion.

'For the child prodigy who had for so many years been bent on winning the approval of his elders, the feeling of rejection by this latest of a series of father figures in his life was profoundly shocking. Without waiting for Menotti's explanation , Maradona locked himself out of and wept uncontrollably.

'He vowed never to forgive Menotti for the betrayal and to quit football altogether.

'According to witnesses who monitored the Argentine team closely at the time, Menotti had other, more personal reasons for excluding Maradona. A man of enormous ego, he was obsessed with the glory that victory would bring, and feared that any rival would eclipse him......that friendly against Hungary in which he had found himself almost bulldozed into bringing out the young player to the tribal cry of "Maradoona, Maradoona.'

(Maradona during his debut for Argentina in a game against Hungary, 27 February 1977)

Lucky for fans of the beautiful game Maradona didn't quit football and we all know the rest of the story. Reading on I found this next extract very engaging. Aside from the Military Junta exploiting the victory for political gain that accompanied Argentina's World Cup victory in 1978 there where question marks over how the victory was achieved.

"One medical source told me that in 1978 the 'whole of Argentine football was doping itself......I started a big fight to break the trend." Argentina had players who had been regularly provided with amphetamines while playing for their league teams, and who found in World Cup a suitably lax regime when it came to urine samples.

'According to other reports Mario Kempes and Alberto Tarantinoi were so "high" after playing one particular World Cup match that they had to keep on going for another hour before they came don again.

'One of the most extraordinary episodes of the World Cup involved the pregnant wife of the Argentine's team  waterboy. Her urine was used as a cover for an Argentine's player's in one of the competition dopes test."

Maradona's Exclusion from 94 World Cup

Speaking of doping and Argentinian football I also watched a documentary called Maradona by Kusterica. In a revealing interview Maradona had this to say about his well documented drug use.

'For 20 years during Havelange's (former FIFA boss from Brazil)  presidency Brazil did not win the World Cup. You know why? The man up there is just. The old man loves justice! If for 20 years a mafioso was unable to win the World Cup, kind of tough isn't it?(Maradona makes a gesture where he point to his right eye)

'I'm going to tell you the story. Argentina was eliminated from the World Cup (in 1994). We went to play Australia. It was a tie 1-1. We came back here and we qualified 1-0.  There was no doping case (Maradona shakes his finger) No drugs not over there, not over here. There was no ephedrine over there or over here. No cocaine over there or over here. During the World Cup after we beat Nigeria 2-1 they said: "They're screwing us up." (Maradona was kicked out of USA 94 after the Nigeria game)

"I'd say Havelange is the arms dealer, and Blatter sells the bullets" (both Maradona and Kusterica laugh after this quote).

On his fight against Cocaine addiction:

"Scoring a goal in front of 100,000 people, like I did with the English for example, was for me a normal thing. It was my game my life. When I came down, I was like everyone, all of you. And I could talk to you.  What messed me up was cocaine. But I was just like you. However when you let the tiger out, when I went onto the pitch, I was in command.

"Emir do you know what a player I'd have been if I hadn't taken coke? (he puts his hand together in a prayer gesture) What a player we lost! It's like a bad after taste. I could have been much more than I am. Yes. really it's true. I was born into football. I new who I was going to be. But I didn't know I was going to take coke."

World Cup 2010

I can't wait to see what kinda crazy Maradona will get up to during this World Cup. Today the final Argentinian 23 man World Cup squad  was announced. Maradona will this time coach the side and the World Cup will be better for his crazy side line antics.

Goalkeepers: Sergio ROMERO, Mariano ANDUJAR, Diego POZO

Defenders: Nicolas BURDISSO, Clemente RODRIGUEZ, Martin DEMICHELIS, Ariel GARCE, Gabriel HEINZE, Nicolas OTAMENDI, Walter SAMUEL

Midfielders: Jonas GUTIERREZ, Javier MASCHERANO, Juan Sebastian VERON, Angel DI MARIA, Mario BOLATTI, Maxi RODRIGUEZ, Javier PASTORE

Forwards: Lionel MESSI, Gonzalo HIGUAIN, Carlos TEVEZ, Diego MILITO, Sergio AGUERO, Martin PALERMO

Me I am tipping Argentina to beat Brazil in the final.

Hot off the Press: The Madness begins

I just saw this report in the Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/may/20/diego-maradona-cameraman-world-cup

Diego Maradona runs over cameraman at World Cup squad announcement

The Argentina coach Diego Maradona insulted an injured cameraman after accidentally running over his leg ahead of announcement of thealbiceleste World Cup squad.

Driving to yesterday's news conference in Buenos Aires, the 1986 World Cup winner was surrounded by journalists. One was hit and he fell to the ground.

According to a witness, Maradona's car rolled over the lower part of the cameraman's leg. "What an asshole you are," Maradona shouted from the car. "How can you put your leg there where it can get run over, man?" Paramedics attended to the cameraman, who was taken away for further treatment.

The 49-year-old coach then delivered the names of the 23-man squadfor the World Cup to the media. Maradona's World Cup preparation was disrupted in March when he needed minor facial surgery after being bitten by his dog.