The 2014 Brazil World Cup Review

Even though the World Cup is over, if you squint hard enough, you can still see it's illuminating presence in the rear view mirror.

So let's do a World Cup review of all the moments that we came to know and love, the ones we mocked and ridiculed, and the times we applauded.

The Award for Bravery ( in the face of defeat, even though no-one gave the team a chance, and  it sure sucked losing, but what the hell, a narrow loss still felt like a victory.)

Obviously the award goes to the Socceroos. Australians love to romanticise international losses. Gallipoli is an example.

The Socceroos World Cup campaign has parallels with the landing at Gallipoli; mostly Australian young men, out of position and under heavy constant fire.

The Aussies narrow 3-2 loss to Holland was heartbreaking, but the way the team took the cold sword to the belly was inspirational for all the little kiddies (who were all probably fast asleep during the game).

The Netherlands game was football porn. From Arjen Robben's opening goal, to Tim Cahill's spectacular volleying equaliser.

The Aussies led for a brief time, but just like in a porn film the Socceroos were fucked by a black guy's penetrating shot.

Had it, Lost It, Team of of the Tournament

The Unifying Theory of Life, from the character Sick Boy in the film Trainspotting is the inspiration behind this award.

"At one point you've got it, then you lose it. The it's gone forever. All walks of life.  George Best, for example. Had it, lost it.

And Hot Dog! We have a wiener! Nice one Spain! The 2010 World Cup Champions couldn't recover from the Holland spanking in the first game.


Most Kreas (Meathead) Team

To qualify as the Kreas team of the World Cup, the qualification process is as follows.

Number of Kreas moments: this includes acts like hogging, diving and needless violence.

The Uruguayans are worthy winners of this award.

Uruguay had all the qualifying attributes in one player - Luis Suarez. His World Cup rap sheet is impressive.

Accused of diving. Guilty!
Accused of  hogging. Guilty!
Accused of needless violence. Guilty!

Ahh the bite that was heard around the world. CRUNCH. Tearing the kreas (meat) out of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder meant that Luis Suarez probably had the 2014 World Cup's most defining moment.

It wasn't just Luis Suarez being a Kreas, his teammate Maxi Periera also got involved in some Kreas action, kicking out at Costa Rican attacker Joel Cambell in the group phase.


Oh Shit! we Farked it Up

There were a few contenders for this award. It was a strong selection of teams. Brazil, Italy, Spain, England, Portugal.

Sure all the nominees Italy, Spain, England and Portugal didn't even get out of the group stage.

But it doesn't compare to Brazil's history making 7-1 loss to Germany in the semi final.

It was the biggest semi-final fark up in World Cup history; as was my prediction of a Brazil win against Germany.

The Am I Bovvered?



The award goes to England. Well done England!

Garnering one point in the group stage was your lowest ever return in your World Cup history.

It was also the first time you have been eliminated from the group stage since 1958.

Overrated

It's a toss up between Russian Manager Fabio Capello and Spanish Striker Diego Costa.

And we have a tie!

Capello, the highest paid manger in Brazil, has only won one of his seven World Cup games that he has coached.

Chelsea paid a whopping $58 million transfer fee to sign Costa from Atlecio Madrid.

They will hope he performs better than he did at the World Cup for Spain, as he only had one shot on target in 126 minutes of action.

Congratulations to both recipients, very overrated.

Underrated

For me there is only one winner. It goes to Costa Rican goal keeper Keylor Navas.

Navas is a freak. With Navas in goals, Costa Rica beat England, Italy, Uruguay and knocked out Greece. All those teams ranked in the top 12.

Navas saved 21 shots out of 23. That's an impressive 91% of shots saved.


Ground Hog Day 



"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?"

That Ground Hog day movie quote applies both to Mexico and Chile.

Poor Mexico, they can't get past the round of 16. Los Manitos have been knocked out at that stage during their last six World Cups.

Meanwhile Chile can't beat Brazil at a World Cup. La Roja haven't beaten the Seleção in four games and have been  knocked out by Brazil in the round of 16 during their last three World Cup appearances.

The Coach who looks like he's here to fix the pipes. 

 

The award clearly goes to Brazil coach Luis Felipe Scolari.

Not one for suiting and booting, Scolari  looked more like a Plumber than an international manager.

Worst Chant

This one was easy. The award goes to the USA. Even though funny man Will Ferrell added some celebrity to it, the USA's - "I believe! That we will win" was a weak and cringe worthy chant.

It didn't have any witty lines, it didn't share the melody of a famous song, it was arrogant, dumb and simple (should I be a bit prejudice/racist and say it's a perfect representation of the US population?

No I won't as there are some really cool Seppo's out there (umm my family), but c'mon guys, you can do way better!)


Best Chant

C'mon you should know it by now.

"Brasil decime que se siente" "Brazil tell me how it feels like"

It's the Argentina chant. It's ticks all the boxes of a great football chant. It's witty, it mocks their rivals Brazil it's got history and it uses the melody of a well known song.

It's sung to the tune of Credence Clear Water's Bad Moon Rising.

Here is the crowd singing it with English subtitles.

Here are the Argentine players singing it in their dressing rooms after a win.

So that's all folks, thanks for sharing this World Cup with me.

Yours in Football, Con Stamocostas

PS Germany was the best team. 

Socceroos - Cholos (Chile) Analysis World Cup 2014 Brasil

What If?, Coulda, Woulda and Shoulda. 

No these are not the names of four Arabic restaurants they are the burning questions that will surround the Socceroos after their 3-1 World Cup opening game loss to Chile in Cuiaba Brasil.

What If?, Shoulda, Woulda and Coulda are usually a luxury in life, moving forward is the mantra and to forget the past is what we're told to live a happy and healthy life. But for football countries like Australia it's almost the lifeblood of the game. 

The Iran game and the Italy game and now the Chile game can now join the illustrious company of Australian World Cup heartbreaks. It is definitely worth arguing that the Chile game has as many questions as the other two. 

This is due in parts to what happened before the Chile game and what happened during the loss to La Roja. Before the game there was a number of player retirements forced or other wise. The debate raged particularly from one of these "retirees" shot botherer Mark Schwarzer. The hero for the Socceroos on many occasions questioned whether sideline botherer Ange Postecoglu had picked the strongest squad. This point of view riled up many fans and even Postecoglu himself.

Also lets not forget the number of Socceroos that suffered injuries before the World Cup meant the team was short of key players and there was fear and trepidation that the youngsters would be overawed by the occasion.

The What Ifs?

• What if Ryhs Williams. Robbie Kruse and Tom Rogic hadn't got injured before the World Cup? The Socceroos would have had much more experience and quality with this triumvirate if they were in Brasil. 
• What if Harry Kewell and Mark Schwarzer hadn't retired. You wonder what kind of difference they would have made. 
• What if the youngsters had more game time together rather than just two or three friendlies to get the team harmony and cohesion in place?
• What if Tim Cahill wasn't offside for that would be equalising goal? 
• What if Bresh's volley was an inch up and to the right, up and to the right?

The Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda's 

• Mile Jedinak shoulda played better! In all the analysis after the game Robbie Slater is the only one that kept it real. The Jak was responsible for both opening goals. 
• Tommy Oar coulda played better but it wasn't all his fault but I'll come back to that later.
• Maty Ryan shoulda stayed on his line! Schwarzer woulda done better and the Socceroos coulda stayed at 0-0 for a bit longer.
• Mathew "I played a brilliant farken game" Leckie shoulda used the shoot farken mentality when he surged down the right hand side and shot with his left foot instead of cutting in on his right. It coulda been one of the all time clashic World Cup goals!
• Ange Postecoglu coulda and shoulda made better subs it woulda made a difference with 20 mins to go! Read below why.

Ange got it Wrong

Ange Postecoglu got his pre- World Cup wish. He wanted the Socceroos to be a team that the Australian sporting public would be excited by again. The game was a tense watch. The Aussies took the fight to Chile. Most fans before the game and after the first 20 mins thought an arse whipping was coming. But the team fought back, were brave and showed that true Aussie fighting spirit. Ange got his wish; The Socceroos are an exciting team to watch again. 

But alas for me that's not good enough. Ange Postecoglu got the last 20 mins wrong. The talk from Ange post match has been that the during the first 20 mins the team was overawed particularly the youngsters. He said that their inexperience showed and that the team was nervous and that''s why they copped two goals in the first 20 mins. 

But I disagree. It wasn't nerves it wasn't inexperience it was Alexis Sanchez quality and flair and poor defending by Mile Jedinak. Dirty Sanchez ripped the Socceroos apart  and I blame Mile Jedinak! For the first Chilito goal he was out jumped for the header that fell to Alexis Sanchez and for the second goal he was turned inside out like a ballroom dancer  by the Cholo Sanchez again. 

Perhaps blaming it all on Mile is unfair but he deserves some castigation. Sometimes that kind of quality is almost impossible to defend against.   A back heel before the first goal set up the cross down the right but Mile Jedinak was out jumped by a much smaller Chilito who headed the ball back to Sanchez who then performed keyhole surgery with that strike beating Spiranovich and Ryan at the near post. The second goal it was Sanchez skill again that caused the space to open and it was Jedinak who was beaten. Not the youngsters fault. 

But back to how Ange got it wrong. Lets harp back to 2006. Against both Japan and Croatia when the Socceroos needed goals there were literally four strikers on the pitch. The Socceroos are a crossing team. They don't do ticka tacka or triangles they look to go out wide and cross to targets in the box. One target in the box with the game on the line is not taking a risk. In my opinion Ange was too conservative. Why didn't Ange leave on Tommy Oar and bring on Taggart instead? Tim Cahill can't do everything by himself and in the end he couldn't. 

One target in the box for a crossing team is not enough!

Sure Josh Kennedy was injured but the lack of Strikers in the squad  pre theWord Cup was alarming and it was the Socceroos undoing as they tried valiantly to find that equalising goal. 

It would have been an interseting last 10 mins if someone like Tom Juric and  Adam Taggart joined Tim Cahill on the pitch as the Socceroos pushed for that equaliser.  Tommy Oar had an average game because he had no-one to cross to. 

Citing the the Ivory Coast as an example they too are a crossing team and once they brought on Didier Drogba they scored two goals in their comeback win against Japan. 

Hopefully Ange learns from this when the Socceroos play the Orange Botherers Holland. 

Tim Cahill Does it Again

I am tempted to call this blog "Head Farken Super Timmy Cahill". Some A Football Story readers would know that I went to High School with Tim Cahill. He was three years behind me and he always had a football with him as he walked the KNHS hallways. 

At the time of writing this blog Tim Cahill has scored more World Cup goals than Lionel Messi and Christiano Ronaldo combined. I'm sure you football stat lovers already know Campsie's most famous Son's name is up there with Baggio, Klinsmann, Robben, Van Persie and Mattheus as one of the few footballers in the World who have scored at three consecutive World Cups. It's a wonderful talking point and this piece of knowledge must be taught in Australian schools with other notable Aussie achievements that have affected the World. Like ACDC, The Selfie and Top Shelfing.

Socceroos - Chile Preview World Cup 2014 Brazil

Opening Match (Smashed?) 

According to the 2011 Census there are 24,900 Chileans who live in Australia. Most of these Chilitos reside in Bossley Park and Fairfield in Western Sydney NSW. A lot of them would be Western Sydney Wanderers supporters and only a small percentage I suspect would be supporting the Socceroos. Ahh the duality of being an ephnic football supporter. I'm sure these Chilitos (i just love that nickname) are all licking their Arolla De Chanco flavoured lips at the prospect of getting three points against the Socceroos.

I have a Chilean friend with a very Chilean name called Bruno. He told me a story once about how his father used to be a bodyguard for a Chilean politician around the 1960's or 1970's. One day this Chilean politician had an assassination attempt made on his life. Bruno's father the bodyguard ran away with no intention at all of protecting the politician. "Fuck this guy i'm not giving him my life" was the way Bruno told the story of hisfFather's mindset as he ducked and ran for cover as the bullets flew past.

What does this story have to do with the Socceroos opening World Cup match (smashed?) against La Roja? Nothing really just an entertaining side bar to help stretch out this preview because to be honest I'm not a Chilean football expert and neither is Bruno he hates Soccer!

Chile Fact File

What I do know about Chile thanks to the Official Australian FIFA World Cup Media Guide is that Chile's highest World Cup placing was in 1962 were they finished third. I say that because for this edition of the Cup some experts have Chile as one of the favourites. Ouch! How many favourites for the World Cup can you have in one group? 

I know Chile qualified third in their South American World Cup Qualifying group. I know that their record against the Socceroos is four games played, with three wins to Chile and one draw. That draw was at the 1974 World Cup against a team of no name part timers. Could it be an Omen for this game? Probably not but a draw would be a positive result so i'll take it as an Omen.

Looking at their squad list I know that Chile has World Clarsh players in their team. Defender Mauricio Isla (47 caps) plays for Juventus, Winger Alexis Sanches (67 caps, 22 goals) could possibly tear the Socceroos back line a new one. Valencia forward Eduardo Vargas (30 caps, 14 goals) is no slouch either. His dial is always on the highlights real when Chile plays. Arturo Vidal (54 caps, 8 goals) has been in the news in recent days because the Juventus playmaker is injured and could miss the game. But as Mile Jedinak has been saying he is only one player.

Will the Socceroos cause an upset?

Most Socceroos fans in Brazil didn't put a 10k debt on their credit card to see the Green and Gold get smashed. Even though Josh Kennedy (Jesus) didn't make it to Brazil  fans back home and in Brazil are praying for some type of miracle.. Is there a Messiah for the Socceroos who can walk on water and can turn graft and grit into goals? Can Tim Cahill do it again? Can Bresh find some space for a killer pass, through ball or sumptuous cross? Can Tommy Oar turn potential into Socceroos provider?

Historically a win or a draw in the first game compared to a loss increases the chances of a team qualifying for the next stage. The Socceroos are eschewing their opponents favouritism by talking up their low expectations and underdog status as well as their team spirit. However low expectations and underdog status didn't help the Socceroos cause against Germany four years ago.

What the Socceroos do have in their favour is the element of surprise. Chile will probably be focusing on their own game. While the Socceroos coaching staff would be putting in the hours analyzing the Chilitos players and their playing patterns like a Tiger Mom instructing their child to study harder!

C'mon just start the game already!

There is nothing more to really say. I'm all previewed out and probably so are you. After narrowly missing out on the group stage four years ago in South Africa and having to go through Holger Oscieck's harrowing tenure. We are now just hours away from Ange Postecoglu's youth and attack policy. The Socceroos players, fans and coaching staff stand on the precipice ( Andy Harper ©) of World Cup elimination or World Cup distinction.

Will the Socceroos Fall or Rise? 

All that's left is C'mon the Socceroos and Super Timmy Cahill Australia needs you to Head Farken!

To be Embarrassed or NOT to be Embarrassed THAT is the QUESTION

Leading up to the Socceroos friendly send off as they head of to the World Cup in Brazil I got some Questions that have been swirling in my head.

When Socceroos boss Ange Postecoglu announced his Socceroos squad I paid close attention to his accompanying comments at the press conference:

"We'll have the whole nation watching in the middle of the night. I'm not going to tell them to get up and not feel great about it”

"And then our responsibility as I said is to excite them when they watch. To give them maybe that glimpse of a future and who knows maybe take them on a little bit of a wild ride through here when the unexpected happens."

Reading between the lines the main objective for the World Cup in Brazil is for the Socceroos not to be embarrassing Australia.  Consecutive six nil thrashings against France and Brazil meant that things had to change.

As the team goes through the rigmarole of press conferences, media and sponsor appearances and even some training I asked myself:

 Is this the worst Socceroos squad on paper I’ve seen since I’ve been following the team since 1988? On paper probably yes. Experience wise probably yes.

Will the Socceroos get smashed? In the cold hard light of day probably yes. But in Australia we don’t get many cold hard days our days are warm easy and laidback. In Brazil against Chile, Netherlands and Spain it could be miserable embarrassing and frustrating.

While the messages coming out from the Socceroos PR machine are positive are fans, pundits. Players and coaches deluded into thinking the team have any chance of not being embarrassed? It’s not so bad to lie to yourself sometimes. Unfortunately the scoreboard doesn’t lie. So most fans are being realistic and lots of Joe and Jane Public are saying: “we’re gonna get thrashed!”

 “The Socceroos defence looks like a mad women’s breakfast”

Many questions surround the final 23 man squad and then even more questions abound in who will take the field against LA Roja nickname for Chile means “the Red One who will thrash the Socceroos”

For years the Socceroos had mainstays in defence Alex Tobin and Milan Ivanovic, Lucas Neill and Craig Moore, Now the question of who will be in this Socceroos defence is still a ponderous one. Even the Ubermunch Ange Postecoglu doesn’t know. Curtis Good’s hip flexor just doesn’t want to heal, Trent Sainsbury fell on a sprinkler and his knee refused to get better in time for the World Cup. Mathew Spiranivich knee’s and hamstrings are one awkward lunge away from a lay off and that leaves Alex Wilkinson who tried to dribble to himself against Ecuador and it cost the Socceroos a goal. That’s why AP gets paid the big bux. As my Maths teacher Mr Sayburn used to say “The Socceroos defense looks like a mad women’s breakfast.” (He actually would say your Maths homework looks like a mad women's breakfast"

The midfield isn’t looking so stable at the moment either. Can Mile Jedinak bring that EPL form to the Socceroos? Jedinak got himself injured in the last game of the EPL. His groin refused to dive into anymore tackles. The Jak won’t get the time and space that the EPL defenders afforded him during his first season in Europe and expect him to be well covered by opposition defences at the World Cup.

“At what point do we accept that Marc Bresciano Is a Vampire?”

Another Question is: Can Marc Bresciano still bring it? After missing all those months suspended after someone at his club filled out the wrong form. FIFA and Centrelink must have a similar bureaucracy fill in the the wrong form and they take away your payments and penalise you for months.

And another question? At what point do we accept that Marc Bresciano is a Vampire? Look at 2006, 2010 and 2014 Bresh. Someone’s cabinet or safe is missing quite a large batch of their Elixir of Youth, Perhaps he is an Alchemist or some Druid in disguise because Bresh hasn't aged since the 2006 World Cup. He looks the same as he did when he scored against Uruguay and did the statue pose. C’mon Bresh score @ the World Cup & do the Statue!   

Pic Above is Marc Bresciano a Vampire like Pharell appears to be?

SHOOT FARKEN

Should I ask a question about the attack? Sure I will. By the time the defense and midfield are run ragged at some point the Socceroos will have to attack.

Such is the fashion these days of  world football that not playing with Strikers and flooding the team with midfielders is now the norm., The Shoot Farken school of thought is slowly been erased and just like universal health care and free education Strikers will be gazed upon in moments of nostalgia.

 Super Timmy Cahill another candidate for a Vampire as he too hasn’t aged and neither has his ability to leap higher than most tall defenders could be the Socceroos only Striker along with Josh Kennedy. Adam Taggart won’t probably make it in this World Cup squad (I’d like to see him go though I’m in the SHOOT FARKEN minority) Set pieces and Tommy Oar crossing for his life could be the Socceroos best chances.

Any more Questions? NO? Good. Let’s play!